LOST PATH

I packed up my dreams long ago. No reason as such. Sometimes, life just doesn’t go the way you want it to. People stand in your way, the road gets blocked, more powerful people have other priorities they want you to have. I was told that my dreams were silly, that I should wake up and be real. What’s more real than having a desire, a dream, a wish and a want to make that dream a reality? There is an inner child within each of us that has a hidden a wish, and without the right kind of nurturing, that wish remains hidden, most of the times for life. How many of us wake up everyday and think, ‘I could have had it so much better…’

It gets so frustrating, especially when you know you’ve got the drive and potential and yet, you have to settle for, not even second best, but a distant back-up plan, because that is what powers above you want and decide is best. We are told to be practical, realistic, to grow up and become responsible. But what’s so wrong about living your dreams? If we aren’t able to make those dreams a reality, then why are we told to dream? Why are we told to reach for the sky, to aim as high as we possibly can, to end up being bound to the earth, have your bow taken away and told to be happy with what you have? Isn’t it all just a little bit contradicting? It feels like being caught in an avalanche, when you are trying to climb a mountain, and you haven't even started as yet.

Psychologists who specifically study learning behavior have a term they call ‘learned helplessness’. It’s that state of helplessness and hopelessness and helplessness you feel when you know nothing you do will help you, that no matter how you try, you will never escape the situation you are in. Because situations won’t allow you to. Because other people won’t allow you to. Because no one will help you, no matter what….I guess you never really know what life has in store for you. No matter how you plan, you have no guarantees. You become complacent and accept whatever comes your way as ‘It’s how things are, and how they will always be….so why bother?’ How sad a life is that!!

WORTH IN A HIGH-SPEED WORLD

I saw an advertisement the other day. I really loved the ad. It's about how the present generation is impatient, how it cannot wait for the next thing and how much it hates to wait. It thought, 'Wow, this is so our generation, so much enthusiasm, so much spunk, so much creative energy.' It actually gave me goosebumps when I saw it for the first time. Then, I was chatting with this friend of mine and I told her about the ad Ihad seen and how much I loved it. Her reply, however, surprised me. She said 'I found it kind of demeaning'..... It really got me thinking 'What is this present generation really about? Why did she find it demeaning?' And then, I discovered something I had totally forgotten - worth.

The present generation is dynamic, moreso than any other generation preceding it. It wants stimulation, in any form possible. And anything new is eagerly accepted but readily discarded for the next best thing. In a world where new opportunities spring up everywhere and possibilities are limitless, it is easy to think that there will always be something else, of same or better value. No doubt, there are. Flitting from one thing to another seems like a really good life - enjoying the best of each one experience, yet not commiting oneself to onething so soon. This is the mantra of the new generation - have as mush experience as possible, try out everything first, never stick to one thing, expand your horizon, broaden your skills or social circle.

I don't mean to criticize this point. In fact, I think that it is a very good philosophy, to be able to broaden your views, thoughts and knowledge. That's where new art, music and literature come to be discovered. Yet, one important ingredient this generation seems to be lacking is value - good, old-fasioned value. I am not talking of values in terms of morals, but value in terms of reliability and worth, something which our parents have an abundance of, sometimes a little too much of, yet something which this present generation seems to be lacking in. It doesn't matter how versatile or attractive something is - if it lacks worth, it becomes useless after a while. Because even though there are new and even newer trends coming into existence, it is those things which have worth that eventually survive. And that worth is what anyone and everyone looks for, in the end.

A little goes a long way, but too little gets you nowhere. A little value, a little worth, a little experience and a little stability will get the new generation a very long way.

A LIFE SO ORDINARY

There are somethings we do, things that have been said that we wish we hadn't or things we didn't do which we wish we had. We keep wishing, wondering what would have been if we had done exactly opposite to what we did. Would things have been different? Would I have been in a different position if I had done this, or that? And so we beat ourselves up, realising what could have been, but isn't.

As I sit here and write this, I can think of a hundred things in my life that I 'could have' done differently but didn't, not necessarily mistakes that I made, but also just simple decisions that I made. What if I had stayed in boarding school instead of going to a regular school? What if I had really tried to lose weight earlier? What if I had been more open with my heart and taken chances? Because, basically, our lives are determined by the little things that we do. If those things are right, the big things usually take care of themselves.

I often listen to people telling me their experiences and often find myself wishing I was in their shoes. I've basically led a life too protected. My life has always been about courtesy, straight A's, family and religion, quite atypical for someone living in the 21st century. Even now, they still play a big role in my life and determine my actions. I always find that among a group of people, I am the most boring one, with little or no account of what adventures I have had. And I always find that I am sitting in the corner, listening to other people talk about their's. It can get a bit humiliating, when all you do in a conversation is nod and occasionaly say 'Uh huh', 'Yep', or 'Really?'.

The grass is always greener on the other side, it seems. It always seem that people are having more fun, doing more things, living a better life than you. They are always so much smarter than you and seem to have things so together. And you are left wondering what went wrong with your life. What did you do to deserve such a normal life? You want to try and yet, you almost always fall short, simply because you do not have what it takes to be adventurous...yet. It's not always a compliment to be called as 'the nice one' or 'the quiet one' among a group of friends. Of course, some may argue this point, but that's a totally different topic altogether.

Then again, it does seem that life is a little more fair. I once told a friend how lucky he was to have had an adventurous life, to have loved and to have been loved, to have someone who loves him enough to always be there for him. All he said in return was 'Not really'. I was a bit baffled at first, but he did have a point then. The more exciting a person's life is, the more burns they have had. They live such enviable lives, that's for sure, but there will always be a price. Vulnerability will always accompany, and even if they are not visible at first, it will show, sooner or later. It was best said in the movie Alfie, where he compares one of his loves to a statue he once saw of the goddess Aphrodite...'I was in awe of her beauty and grace...she seemed perfect, until I saw the side of the statue....there were cracks in them...'

It's a sad thing to see someone who seems to have it so together, someone who is so enviable, and yet, find out that they have problems just like everyone else, if not more. Justice? I don't necessarily think so. But still, that's what the world thinks. Isn't it?

WHEN LIFE INTERVENES







There is a saying I heard once that goes along the lines of ...'Life is what happens when you're busy making plans'. I did not know what it meant, at least not until I started living life. See, what I've come to realise is that there's two things in a person's life - dreams and reality. Dreams, we all have - the little girl who dream of someday becoming a talented singer, or the young boy who dreams of becoming a famous footballer. We make dreams and we plan for them, ever keeping our eyes on the coveted prize and doing whatever we can to try to make it come true. It is that one thing that motivated us as children. It really doesn't matter how improbable they are...having dreams mean having direction and drive. And it keeps one optimistic and earnest, and the mind filled with wishes and hope. And so we push on, trying our best to make these dreams come true, ever busy, ever earnest, never once thinking of what can go wrong. Or that dreams can be so easily put aside.



That is when life intevenes....or should we say 'reality'. Here, there is no space for dreams or wishes. It's the daily grind of making a living, doing whatever it takes to have a roof over one's head and food on the table. Getting up every morning, going through the same routine of wash, breakfast, work, lunch, work, home, dinner and then sleep, day after day, week after week. Monotony and boredom, yet, the constant thought that one has to do what it takes to survive. It doesn't matter if one is not happy with the work. We need security, and to have that, one has to make some sacrifices. The line between these two is not as wide as one thinks. They run so closely parallel to one another that one does not realise when he has crossed over to the other. The eager student who has dreams of becoming a well-paid, respected computer technician, finds that once he graduates, he is faced with a shortage of jobs, and the company he had had his eye on since his childhood, does not accept him. What he is left with, thus, is a second rate job at at a second rate company with horrible timings and an even worse work culture. When this happens, it is so easy to give up and admit defeat, saying good-bye to the dreams that we had spent so much time investing in. And then living a life of regret over what should have been, either downing one's sorrow in alcohol or depression. Life is never easy on anyone. It tries one's patience and makes you want to give up and give in to it's tough demands. Then, when you finally give in, it laughs at you for being a failure. What most people tend to forget is that life is meant to be challenged. It really doesn't matter if one is from a very privileged family or one of the most down-trodden and broken of families. We all have our share of problems. We need to remember that it is God who has given us these challenges, and He will never give us something we can't handle. These problems are there to test us, to see if we are worthy of the blessings that life has to offer us. It is so easy to say 'I give up'. It is so much harder to say 'No, I will never give up. I will keep at it and win...' Anyone who has succeded immensely in life will always recount the struggles they make, and the failures they have had along the way. One needs to fail, realise where they went wrong, and learn from those mistakes. Being ever careful never guaranteed anything.

Life was meant to be lived, dreams meant to be turned into reality, wishes meant to be fulfilled. It's just a matter of digging out those dreams you stored away in the attic and blowing off the dust. You still have a lot of time, and a lot of heart to make them come true.



'...the heart is stronger than you think, like it can go through anything...even when you think it can't, it finds a way to still push on...'

The war inside me

'...as moon rises over the eastern sky, I am reminded of the time I used to gaze it, thinkin 'The same moon shines above us, yet, we are so far away' When will I ever meet you?? Who are you?? Where are you??...'



There was a time when I used to think that life was like 'grow up, get a job, settle down'. Life was simple then, not a worry, always optimistic, always ready for the next thing. I was enthusiastic as a child, always ready to get up and get the day done. I was always the kid that grown-ups reffered to as 'such a nice child. How helpful he is! How obedient' You know, that annoying kid who always smiles, and is always smart, polite and nice to everyone. My God!! How annoying I must have been!! Now, when I meet people like that, I smirk inside, knowing that it's just a cover. I can never believe in people who smile 24 hours a day. Call me hypocritical. That's what life does to you

I guess life has a way of screwing you over, eh? Everything you ever believed in, everything you were brought up to believe, you turn right round and make fun of it. I'm not saying I'm not optimistic anymore...in fact, I'm just as optimistic as I was before about some things. It's just that, well, that optimism has been mixed with a smattering of cynicism and sarcasm. Now, whenever I hear of something, or see something, I can't help but think, 'What good is it gonna be?' or 'How foolish! There are better things than this'. I just can't help but feel that sometimes, people aren't all that trustworthy, or worth bothering about. I mean, in the end, we're all just out to please ourselves, aren't we? Everyone is looking out for no one but themselves. Even love, basically, is selfish. We see someone, we want to be with them. Then we do everything we can to make them like us back. And if we fail, we turn bitter and start cursing them. Even if we do win the person, we ge bored of them sooner or later, and start looking for greener pastures. I guess the line between love and hate really is thin. Take a look at people who 'work selflessly for other people'.....aren't they out for praises and glory? I can never trust someone who says how much he loves his fellowmen and works for their benefit. There is always an ulterior motive behind every human action. And people who smile 24/7 are the worst of the lot.

Then again, just when I think all hope is lost for human-kind, I meet people who disappoint me. And no, these aren't perfect people who get everything right. In fact, these people are those people who face problems everyday, people who have been rejected, people who gets fired from their jobs, people who have bills to pay, people who have to work because they have no other choice, people who who cry every now and then because life gets at them. People who have been beaten and bruised, but still keep going, who still look forward to a better day, because they believe that a better day is coming. These people never talk about their problem and would never dream of burdening other people wih their own loads. They smile, not everyday, not gladly, but they smile. And these smiles are the most beautiful one will ever see. Then, I ask myself, 'Who am I compared to these people?? What right do I have to be so cynical? What right do I have to be so bitter?? I don't have everything I want, I may never do, but I have everything I need.' And that's what keeps me going everyday.

'...when life gives you a thousand reasons to cry, show the world that you have a million reasons to smile...'