A LIFE SO ORDINARY

There are somethings we do, things that have been said that we wish we hadn't or things we didn't do which we wish we had. We keep wishing, wondering what would have been if we had done exactly opposite to what we did. Would things have been different? Would I have been in a different position if I had done this, or that? And so we beat ourselves up, realising what could have been, but isn't.

As I sit here and write this, I can think of a hundred things in my life that I 'could have' done differently but didn't, not necessarily mistakes that I made, but also just simple decisions that I made. What if I had stayed in boarding school instead of going to a regular school? What if I had really tried to lose weight earlier? What if I had been more open with my heart and taken chances? Because, basically, our lives are determined by the little things that we do. If those things are right, the big things usually take care of themselves.

I often listen to people telling me their experiences and often find myself wishing I was in their shoes. I've basically led a life too protected. My life has always been about courtesy, straight A's, family and religion, quite atypical for someone living in the 21st century. Even now, they still play a big role in my life and determine my actions. I always find that among a group of people, I am the most boring one, with little or no account of what adventures I have had. And I always find that I am sitting in the corner, listening to other people talk about their's. It can get a bit humiliating, when all you do in a conversation is nod and occasionaly say 'Uh huh', 'Yep', or 'Really?'.

The grass is always greener on the other side, it seems. It always seem that people are having more fun, doing more things, living a better life than you. They are always so much smarter than you and seem to have things so together. And you are left wondering what went wrong with your life. What did you do to deserve such a normal life? You want to try and yet, you almost always fall short, simply because you do not have what it takes to be adventurous...yet. It's not always a compliment to be called as 'the nice one' or 'the quiet one' among a group of friends. Of course, some may argue this point, but that's a totally different topic altogether.

Then again, it does seem that life is a little more fair. I once told a friend how lucky he was to have had an adventurous life, to have loved and to have been loved, to have someone who loves him enough to always be there for him. All he said in return was 'Not really'. I was a bit baffled at first, but he did have a point then. The more exciting a person's life is, the more burns they have had. They live such enviable lives, that's for sure, but there will always be a price. Vulnerability will always accompany, and even if they are not visible at first, it will show, sooner or later. It was best said in the movie Alfie, where he compares one of his loves to a statue he once saw of the goddess Aphrodite...'I was in awe of her beauty and grace...she seemed perfect, until I saw the side of the statue....there were cracks in them...'

It's a sad thing to see someone who seems to have it so together, someone who is so enviable, and yet, find out that they have problems just like everyone else, if not more. Justice? I don't necessarily think so. But still, that's what the world thinks. Isn't it?